That is a song lyric, anyway. Sang by Whitney Houston, if I not mistaken. I write it here, cuz it fits me well. Readers, there's so much I am still hiding from you. About my life, about all the pain. It is still here.. (sambil tangan lekap kat dada di mana jantung sedang berdegup. pergh.) Jantung ini sedang in tears. But I just can't show it to you now. I can't. I don't want my readers or even my friends to feel the sorrow in my heart, tak fun lah! :D

No. Not about my love life.. well at least it's not ALL about lovey dovey thingy. Thank you for asking.

I will explain everything. Everything.

Ohya, balik rumah hari tu, I saw a new guitar kat bilik Adi. Oh I don't know he DOES play a real music instrument! I'd never think music softwares is one of real music instrument though, bukan kan? I thought, he would just enjoy buat remix lagu-lagu sedia ada or buat lagu sendiri using softwares. Well, that's what he've been doing for years. Bilik dia dah jadi macam studio ke apa. Dahlah guna speaker besar gedabak. And seems like when dia dah berjaya siapkan satu lagu, dia akan pasang kuat-kuat bagi semua orang tahu T___T yela yela. I really think he should take course in Music Engineering but ada ke kos tu dekat Malaysia? Oh Adi. That kucing besar. That's what Dana and I call him. Joke adik beradik yang kami je yang faham.

Talking about him, he's a bit different berbanding adik beradik yang lain. As for me and Kili, beza umur kami cuma dua tahun. Dana dan Pipie juga beza dua tahun. Me and Kili grow together, same goes to Dana and Pipie. Adi saja yang membesar seorang-seorang. I don't know if that would make he a bit weird when he'd grown up ..like today. Dan saya pernah baca dalam buku yang anak yang lahir selepas ibu mengalami keguguran/kematian anak dalam kandungan, akan mempunyai perangai yang lain dari adik beradik yang lain. Before Adi, mama mengandung dan keguguran. But no, don't take it too hard. What ever it is, every family pun pasti ada salah seorang adik beradik yang lain dari yang lain. Betul tak?

He's normal towards his friends. Dengan family saja dia macam 'comel' sikit. Haha. Dalam bahasa dusun, we (Dana dan saya) call him orongit. But, well, that's the way he show his love to his family, I guess :D

Back to that new guitar I mentioned earlier. It's not Adi's guitar, actually. It's Dana's. Ah, that make sense. Dana took music classes. Her school tak offer kelas tarian, if not, I am 100 percent sure she will be in it. Dulu dia belajar main gamelan. Then recorder. When practicing it at home (secara spesifiknya, main recorder depan bilik wth T___T), well.. She doesn't sounded that bad actually. Adi je yang suka mengejek dia. Now, main gitar pula. Trainer dia nak diorang semua beli gitar untuk praktis sendiri kat rumah.

And, when I hear Adi main gitar, wow, he plays guitar.

When I think back, I can't believe he would be interested in music or even in art. I guess it's just in our blood. Or maybe not. Or maybe ia datang selepas beberapa proses pendedahan.

My mom is once a pelakon teater but she quit because her brother didn't let her to be too serious in it (my mom is getting married that time) WHICH, Dana macam terkilan sebab dia cakap, kalau tak kami akan jadi anak pelakon. And she seems serious! Haha wth.

Mama sing too. Dana juga. Oh Ayah juga. Kili juga (- -"). For me, I sing, I dance, I draws. Not that good but that's still my talent but I can't write poem or even tak pandai nak mendeklamasikan sajak laa.. Not my thing. Sebab I barely can imagine myself laughing at myself bila mendeklamasikan sajak :P So maybe I would just stick with writing essay dalam blog hehehe.

Years ago waktu masih sekolah menengah (waktu form 4 or 5), Amoy pernah ajar main gitar.. 3 hindustan's song and I still remember it so I played it dan waktu tu lah Dana cakap yang I've already know the basic. Ok I really didn't know which 'basic' dia maksudkan. I still can't play guitar, but hopefully someday I will be able to play it. At least satu lagu, lepas tu nyanyi sendiri. I always admire orang yang pandai main gitar.. Pengaruh dari kawan-kawan waktu sekolah menengah dulu kebanyakannya pandai main gitar (termasuk Amoy) dan err, my first love juga.

I remembered the song (and still remember he sang it soothingly.. dan setiap petikan gitar walaupun sudah berlalu bertahun-tahun yang sudah).. he sang this : He was a boy she was a girl, can I make it anymore obvious? He was a punk, she did ballet. What more can I say? He wanted her, she'd never tell secretly she wanted him as well.. And then he stopped. Her friend (Dila's brother, my cousin) came to him. Yes, I was at Dila's room. Hearing secretly for the guy I loved out there, yang sedang testing his guitar sambil nyanyi-nyanyi.. He's a singer. A vocalist in his band. I am now hesitating to write down their band name sebab nanti kalau dia atau ahli band dia google for their band's name (sometimes i googled my name, too. everybody would do that :P), tak mustahil they will find this site and ohhhhhhh cannot cannot, I have wrote so much about him dari mula berblog kat friendster lagik (and of course entri-entri kat friendster dah pindah ke dalam Sufilara.Com) .. Do you know, that Fina Sophie name datang dari his name? I bet some of you know about it.

Oh how much I have loved him.. And sometimes I think, I still do.

Err.

Phew. Wow. Sorry, entri-entri saya jarang di draf. Apa yang saya tulis adalah apa yang sedang saya fikirkan sekarang ni. I don't do drafting too much. Jadi tulisan sekejap ke sana, sekejap ke sini. Sekejap in present, sekejap dalam kenangan.. *smiled*

As in the title, it's a random thoughts.