WARNING : Entri Panjang
Part one.

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He damn stucked in my mind and swallowing my pride, I decided to ask for his phone number from his uncle. I got his phone number from Uncle Koch. I'd rather look back at my life and say, "I can't believe I did that!" instead of saying, "I wish I did that.." ;)

Alasan, tanya pasal CD yang mungkin tertinggal dekat CD player. Padahal, like I care much about the CD. KAHKAH. Beberapa hari selepas tu saya dapat tahu waktu saya text Uncle, Zul pun ada waktu tu so Uncle hand Zul his handphone dan suruh Zul taip sendiri his phone number pastu terus sendkan sekali. Zul cakap waktu tu dia tak tahu pun that was me. Ceh.


"Kamu pengurus Kirana kan?"
"Ya. Tapi bukan Kirana. Tari Kirana." Please, Tari Kirana have nothing to do with Cinta Kirana. Nama Tari Kirana  tu since 2009 lagi what. HEHEH.

And so we texted. No other intention, just wanting to know him better.

We did talked about Tari Kirana. Dia cakap, kalau boleh kekalkan saja tarian-tarian asli (he meant, tarian tradisional) sebab yang moden-moden ni jarang perform untuk pelancong-pelancong luar. Dia cakap macam orang tourism saja.

25 Januari, buat pertama kali saya ikut-ikut Ipid meronda di kawasan sekolah. Untuk tengok-tengok how things work. Mula-mula ke SMK Lohan. Lepas tu ke SMK Paduka Mat Salleh, dan lepas tu ke SMK Kundasang. Waktu saya on my way ke Kundasang, dia buat kesekian kalinya menyatakan hasrat nak berjumpa. Itupun lepas banyak kali saya tolak, tapi kebetulan kita sama-sama ada di pekan dan dia cakap betul-betul nak jumpa, dan kali itu, saya bersetuju saja. I can't believe I did that. But at the second thought, ...why, can't I just be sincere to my own heart? Can't I at least give myself the chance to follow my own heart, just for this time?

Dan selepas balik saja dari Kundasang, saya minta cousin tolong turunkan saya dekat Cosway sebab saya ada urusan di sana. I did went to Cosway, beli foundation. Kebetulan ada offer. Lepas tu dia mesej, dia cakap dia dah sampai Sri Dina, tempat kami janji nak jumpa.

Walked there, saw him waving at me. And he let me choose our seat. Pilih dekat dengan jalan raya tapi saya membelakang jalan tu. Pesan makan dan minum, he insist me to eat duh. Talked and talked and talked. He's such a funny guy. And waktu tu, I learnt more about him..

Memang itu yang saya nak, to know him better.

Hujung nama dia ada Abdullah. And I did asked about that. Dia mula cerita pasal family dia, dia datang dari keluarga Kristian. His parents splitted, dan ada family dia yang lain ambil untuk tinggal sekali. Keluarga Islam, and that's how he converted into Islam..

Dia tanya, kenapa saya tidak mahu kapel.. Lepas tarik nafas dalam-dalam, saya jawap, bagi saya, buat apa mahu bagi hati dan sepenuh perasaan kita dekat orang yang belum pasti jadi milik kita.. Dia terdiam kejap dan dia cakap saya penuh falsafah. Saya senyum saja. Falsafah lah sangat (- -") Then dia majukan badan sikit, rasanya untuk renung muka saya lebih tepat. Dia cakap, macamana kalau saya bagi pasti. Saya cakap... *clearing throat* ..macamana? Dia jawap, ada bah cara untuk pasti.. And I know exactly what he meant.

Bila dia cakap macam tu, rasa macam menggigil seluruh badan saya. Bukan suara dia yang saya dengar, tapi saya rasa seperti ada bunyi ketukan dalam hati saya. Saya langsung tidak berani angkat muka, langsung tidak berani menatap wajah dia. Suara dia rasa sangat dekat, dan menyentuh jauh dalam hati. What's happening? Apa cerita about my pendirian this year about my love life?

I feel like freezing the moment. I feel like wanna say YES to everything he have to say next, but I am still putting my feet on the ground. Saya tahu benda yang datang mudah, perginya juga akan semudah itu..

Itu semua buat saya mula fikir lebih serius tentang dia. Tidak mengharap apa-apa tapi saya keep on thinking about it. Pelik kan. It's not the things he said to me, but, like no other, it's how he made me feel.. Tapi waktu itu masih sangat takut (- -")

I do really shiver.

26 Januari petang dia datang ke rumah for the first time and waktu ni I feel like not myself sebab tiba-tiba perasaan malu tu kuat sangat. I feel like his eyes staring at me macam sedang baca apa yang tersirat dalam hati. Malu if he found out that I actually like him..

Dia tengok, saya tunduk atau pandang tempat lain. While he's not watching, saya pula yang tengok dia. Tapi dia berani lah, bila dia tengok saya balik, saya yang alih mata tengok tempat lain. Demmit. Apa yang berlaku ni. Hari ini baru hari keempat saya kenal dia, but why this feeling feels so strong? (- -")

Inilah yang orang cakap, you don't ask yourself to fall in love, you just fall. Mama pernah cakap, cinta tidak perlu dicari. Waktu tidak mencarilah baru dia datang.. Now I know exactly what you mean, Ma.

Dia ke Kota Kinabalu so kami tak ada masa nak jumpa. Ke Kota Kinabalu sebab malam dia ada show di Sutera Harbour. Malam tu juga dia balik.


Dia ambil saya di rumah dan hantar saya ke Lasing. Mama saw him, ayah saw him. Far from my liking, but he was too brave..

Mama had some talk with me. Dia tak pernah nampak saya ada kawan rapat lelaki sini, so she seems a bit worry. Saya tahu masih awal lagi tapi I pray for pintu hati mama dan ayah terbuka untuk at least, cuba untuk mengenali dia.

Hari Sabtu 29 Januari kami tidak jumpa juga. First, sebab saya ada hal di Kota Kinabalu. 2nd sebab Walai Tokou Homestay got event and as usual, he'll be in charge untuk setting dewan. Lepas setting dewan, dia perform. By the way, waktu setting dewan tu, he called me by the phone and talk sikit, lepas tu dia main drum (kali ni drum moden) sambil nyanyikan lagu 'Aku Cinta Aku Rindu' by Nurul and Ajai. Haha. Sweet.

Kali keempat kami bertemu dalam masa seminggu theehehee. Kali ni dengan Dana, as Dana mau beli buku rujukan dan latihan di Pekan Ranau. Then he came around, dengan payung merah putih, searching for me in Hijrah Trading tu. I followed him from the back, but he was too busy searching that he did not realize me. Siap silap orang lagi. Ish ish. Kesian pula tengok dia tercari-cari so I pergi approach dia. Kami cari restoran, and we talked more deeply about our relationship. And about the secret I've been hiding from him. Now I am relieved that I told him that.. If this isn't going to change his feeling towards me, then I guess, nothing will.

Dia ada cakap yang dia mahu kami sama-sama menjaga hubungan kami. Tidak buat benda-benda yang memudaratkan hubungan. Don't ever lose parents' trust on our relationship. Untuk memenangi hati ayah, he told me to relax. To let him do it all and don't panic. Well, unfortunately, I'd never been in this kind of situation. But I will stand for both. My family and the love of my life. I want to win both, I can have them both, can I? T_______________T

Well, ya. For this time being, ayah seems not very happy with my current relationship. Zul told me it is maybe because they don't KNOW him yet. It's normal for the parents to be over-protective towards their own daughter kan. Plus, they saw my life crashed once, so I know, by any chance, they do not want my life crash one more time.. I understand. He does not seems terperanjat, so I appreciate his calmness. At least saya seorang saja yang panik. Dia cakap awal-awal lagi dia dah fikir tentang semua tu. 3 days he think about who I am and finally decide to accept it all just to be able to have me as his wife. He told me, the moment he fall for me, he didn't even know who I really am and once he gets to know about me, he knew things is going to be this messy. Seriously, if sebab wang dan harta itu lah I can't have the love of my life, I will be half dead.. Tsk.

Selesai semua, dia hantar saya dan Dana pulang. Malam he mentioned lagu 'I don't want to miss a thing' dan dia cakap lagu tu menggambarkan perasaan dia pada saya. I love that he's a little old fashioned that he like choosing oldies songs for me to hear... =)



.. nanti saya sambung. Kalau panjang sangat nanti kejang muka kamu nak baca theehehe. Lepas update semua, nanti blog ini akan kembali kepada mood asal, I promise! Saya perasan juga saya banyak cerita tentang love life sekarang ni. Well, bagi can la, sekejap ja lagi bhahahahh.