All my recent selfie pictures (ya macamlah ambil banyak sangat, berapa keping saja pun tu pun most of them end up deleted kahkah) are like this one. Grumpy and blank.

If not silly faces.

Baru-baru ni ada reunion dengan kawan-kawan back in school. Ya I purposely tidak sebut siapa dan dari sekolah yang mana sebab setakat itu saja yang saya mahu share. The thing is, what one of them told me..

During my younger days, I was kind of a happy girl. One thing for sure I smile a lot! Di sekolah, teachers and fellow classmates or even kelas sebelah would admit that. I'm not a person with lots of words but surely I smile a lot, like A LOT. Sometimes, I would rather smile instead of answering questions even from the teachers lol agak poyo di situ (time tidak dapat jawap soalan so just smile kononnya mintak kesian. not a very good student back then, there's one time where I was the only girl punished berdiri atas meja among all the boys sebab tidak dapat jawab soalan cepu emas dari cikgu). Instead of firing people back whenever I pissed off. Instead of a 'hi', 'bye', or 'thank you'. Instead of replying to my friends' wits. Instead of crying.. Tidak pernah terfikir I will standing on the ground today feeling miserable and of all things, I forgot how exactly to smile (by heart). Now I smile just because I feel amused or at least to show respect, I laugh because someone makes jokes or when I throw jokes (which people hardly laugh for lol). And once it ends, nothing is too funny the way it did before. Exactly when no one is looking, I'm a walking corpse. I don't even laugh at falling leaves anymore. *ayat runningman*

You know Korean Drama entitled 49 Days, salah satu watak tu (perempuan) bangun tidur menjalani kehidupan macam tiada perasaan. Tinggal sorang-sorang, senyum tidak, bercakap pun tidak. Berjalan lembik. Well at least she's pretty *roll eyes to myself* And you know what? Some people get annoyed by the way I walk now. lol. I feel like I don't wanna walk anymore lol lol lol. I don't wanna go out see people who might hate the way I walk lolllll.

That friend I mentioned earlier told me I'm not like Fina she used to know. Mula-mula dia cakap dia ingat saya cuma penat but later on she found out I was just being normal. And finally understand that the happy go lucky Fina is gone now. Honestly I was taken aback. Because I'd never realized it. It never actually crossed my mind walaupon sebelum ni pun ada yang tegur but seriously I'd never really have a thought of it because I always end up forgetting. Ya I know that my everyday normal look is being tired, but I thought I covered it enough that day. I dolled up with my best casual wears. I put on make ups. And I thought I've done enough to at least look good. Heh. You see? Friends are always the best. They can tell!

Berbeza dengan my friends. They're still the same. Or much more happier. Happy for them, but I feel depressed of myself. Urgh. Cakap tentang ni buat hati rasa makin berat. Not feeling any better. Shouldn't have started, but again, I have to write at least... Walaupun ini adalah sangat burdensome bagi anda. Oh, wait. APA KATA, maybe you should stop reading my blog and come to read my post maybe 5 tahun akan datang lagi where I might be happier than today. Buat masa sekarang, adalah tidak berbaloi membaca blog saya yang you-know-what ini. Kahkah.

Sekian entri burdensome dari saya yang burdensome ini.