I know this is lame. So do not read this.

Mundar mandir dalam bilik. Thinking. Wearing her 4 inch heels. Had a peek at her 5 inch heels, (thinking, 'I still can't believe that heels are actually 5 inch high. Can't believe I walked around 1Borneo wearing that FIVE INCH hells. Ops heels. HONESTLY!) - but what the hell. Her mind berhempas pulas fikir benda lain. Sometimes she would standing in front of the mirror, asking herself - and maybe wanna make believe, that she might look good with her body if she wear those high heels? No? So maybe that 5 inch heels? No? Cari produk yang boleh tinggikan badan so tak payah pakai heels lagi? Atau teruskan kuruskan badan (which is actually the whole plan is all about)? Or both - abandon high heels dan cari produk tinggikan badan dan sambil tu dia kena exercise untuk capai kilogram idaman? Hmm. Sounds good.

Desakan dalaman yang mahu diri sendiri look good in camera. Tidak lama lagi, dia dan her siblings will be off town for several days. Taking pictures banyak-banyak. But what if all pictures tu she doesn't look good in it? Waaaa. Is this normal,..? Sick!, she thinks. Suffering rasa rendah diri yang agak kronik. And more and more thoughts......

I'd already gained 1 more kilogram. Yes of course, no time for exercising. I mean, REAL EXERCISE. Busy and malas. So there. Take 1 Kilogram balik sebab kau malas. Hoh. Buttt.. Nice la sebab, at least the old Fina Sophie with 55KG, 54KG, 53KG, 52KG, 51KG, and 50KG already gone.

It is all about looking good. It is all about feeling good! Urgh. Thank God still maintain la under 50KG. But takda maknanya juga sebab only few points away LOL. 49.++KG.

You know, I used to be soo kurus. Sebenarnya, bukan kurus. But I was quite in a good shape. Perfect. Macam model, bak kata cousin but don't mention my 5'1' height, anyway. Ceh tiba-tiba naik ke 5'1" XD actually saya pun not sure berapa tinggi sebenarnya saya. HEH. ANYWAY. So, sebab badan takda problem, sebab tu juga saya completely tak peduli pasal badan dulu. Makan makan makan. Big appetite. Well, full stomach is a happy stomach indeed kan HAHA. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY OWN PRECIOUS BODYYYYY... T_______T Okeylah. Last few months during my The Biggest Loser tu, I finally reached 50KG! I lost 4KG HEHE. And had actually reached 48.4KG! Biggest achievement. My aunts pun ramai cakap saya dah susut. Bukan lagi ayat - 'makin berisi', macam yang saya selalu dengar selama ini (- -"). But I still got 4-5KG untuk diturunkan, untuk sampai target. 45 or 46KG.

Omaigod, tapi kan, tapi kan. Macamanalah nanti I would look like kalau berat saya turun sampai 45 ek? The last time I weighted 45KG was when I was in my upper six. Honestly, I will miss this old body I've been carrying for these two years. 55KG paling berat. Kadang-kadang rasa macam nak stay this way saja - 49.5. I am not that fat, cuma.... I wanna look good. That's all.

Okeylah. Perut dah berbunyi lahh. Lapar. Forget the craps above. Musim perayaan ni tak boleh kalau tak makan. Rugi. Hilang satu nikmat. Yang penting, stay with healthy food with healthy portion. After New Year 2011, saya start balik dengan exercise. Januari bulan diet for me. Puasa or whatever. I will do it. I have to keep myself focused and determined. Between life and death. Yeap that's the plan. Dan cari produk tinggikan badan. Yeap, yeap *panic attack.