Gatal pula jiwa raga, jari dan segala kudis (erk) bila tengok tiket-tiket flight ni. Tapi blur mau pergi mana yang sesuai dengan bajet. Mana perlu didahulukan? Jalan-jalan? Atau Iphone? Atau segala mak nenek itu ini mau beli macam banyak duit. Book bulan Disember ni tidak boleh, sebab musim cuti. Orang lain kalau musim cuti pergi bercuti, tapi kerja saya ni pelik sikit. Musim cutilah paling sibuk kerja. Bila musim orang kerja masing-masing dekat ofis, budak-budak masuk sekolah and everyone kerja mode, barulah saya pergi berjalan-jalan. Sebabnya kurang permintaan. Ada kawan ajak ke Korea cuti sekolah hujung Mei til middle of June dan ikut hati memang mau pegi namun seribu kali sayang, baru pulang dari 11 days trip to kemana-kaki-melangkah dan time tu cuti sekolah. Tahun lepas menjelang cuti sekolah bulan 6 (cuti sekolah belum start pon) pun ada yang nak book tapi saya tidak terima sebab gatal berjalan punya pasal. Okey the whole entry is about gatal nampaknya (- -")

Anyway yes I privatekan sekejap this blog actually until whenever the heart say 'okey buli bukak suda' ahak. I just wanna have that privacy, that's all. What kind of privacy I don't know. You have to ask my heart personally for that haha. Instagram pun dah jarang update macam dulu. Facebook lagilah, kirim salam saja jawapnya. Telefon tiap masa silence mode so if tidak angkat telefon tu minta maaf saja. Plus, I don't pick up any anonymous/unregistered number call anymore. Saya ada syndrome nervous oblongata (parody medulla oblongata) bila tengok screen phone nampak nombor yang tidak dikenali call ulang-ulang. Perasaan dia macam orang ketuk pintu rumah kita berdentum-dentum kuatnya tapi bagi salam / perkenalkan diri pun tidak. Haa.. Macam tu lah rasa nervousnya.

Bila tengok tarikh, ah baru 30hb. Dalam hati cakap, ok lusa. Ada selang sehari lagi. My birthday is on 1st Dec. Dan bermulalah monolog ini.. Birthday tahun ni agak sedih sikit tapi for the whole year I knew it would turn out this way so what the hell.. Saya rasa tidak mengapa. Am not a little girl anymore. Dah bertahun-tahun stop dari excited-excited bila birthday datang. Simptom rambut hampir mau beruban nampaknya. And I kinda hope everybody would forgot about my birthday until at least a week, when there's already too late for those wishes. Even late for belated wishes so I don't even have to hear 'alamak limpas suda pula, happy BELATED birthday!'

....until I clicked on my calendar to see that November tiada 31hb and actually ada beberapa minit saja lagi until 1st Dec. Ketuk kepala jap boleh? So this officially a BIRTHDAY ENTRY clap clap blergh!

Just switched off my smartphone and going offline dan biar jarum jam limpas 12 and maybe get some sleep afterwards. This is not my first time spending the whole night alone during my birthday, but this time it's a bit different since I already starting to break in tears. Mata dah dari tadi bertakung dengan air mata.

Happy birthday Nana, who's smart, beautiful (wekk), passionate and have a very weird thinking but always stay true to herself. Always so pitifully taken for granted, who people always misunderstood, who now starting to believe that she can never find true happiness (no, that's wrong). You're officially 28 now and don't you think it's too old for these craps?? So let's work together to at least not making too many mistakes in the future. Paku kuat-kuat dalam fikiran, you can actually find your real happiness within yourself. 

Good night. This entry is published on 12.18AM 1st December 2014 :)