Dear C.

Let's just make this clear. Can we?

As this might be our last night together, I wish you all the best and may your new love treat you well more than I ever do. I remember how lonely you look like; sitting there watching me from afar but at the same time I see a heart desired a different life - a lively one. Aren't you? I watched you too, when you're not looking. And only turned away as my tears starts flowing because that's the moment I realize I do not own your heart *bitter smile* Thing is, I am a girl who is not competent enough to be with you. Having you is never a mistake - it's not you. But it's me. A girl nobody wants, and at the same time, wants nobody. You've done your best - as always (I guess it's in your blood all your family are the best). Cheer up, you might have the chance to go abroad again. Around the world.. Or at least farther than where we've been.

NOW.

You'll got to see the world more than when you're with me now. You'll got to witness all the amazing scenes more often than when you're with me, soon enough. I will never forget our memories in Singapore. Although we've got our next beach destination is Krabi in Thailand and Bali in Indonesia - I guess we won't make it that far. I wish I could spend more years with you just as what I thought we'll be the day we set our eyes and heart at each other for the first time. But I feel that we're too ---- I can't ---- We just can't ----

---------------- be together.

Don't hate me for this. Remember you told me to always be happy no matter what happened in my life?  Remember I told you I'd rather let you go knowing your happiness will never be me? Of course we literally do not talk to each other in fact we speak different language, but deep down, we always do. Can you still understand me today?

Because you have to :'(

*****************

Really nana? *expressionless*
Aren't you too carried away right now? ; monolog diri sendiri.

Kahkah. It's just me being dramaticlahsangat. Macam lama tidak tulis begini-begini dalam blog so sekali sekala apa salahnya. Sorry for wasting 3 minutes of your life reading these. But it never a waste for me as I am love-letter expert (told you i write since i was a kid) and this is ONE OF the little thing I enjoy most apart from sleeping when it's raining outside is to WRITE CRAPPY JIWANG STORIES that come true from heart. Sayalah kanak-kanak yang jiwang itu T_____T

Seriously. I don't know if I am serious. I am just saying.

Fikir balik.

Betul-betul nak jual dan ganti baru??

I took a lot of time searching over the internet that fits around my budget because I know very little about DSLR market. Searching and comparing and I put a lot of thought about buying it. It's pricey. I used the whole of my 1 month salary plus few of my saving, and it's DSLR crazy! Somehow it gets really sentimental because I worked hard for this.

To be honest, I do not know how to use DSLR manually and always opt to Auto mode. To own a DSLR is a form of satisfaction. Because I got to take good pictures. It's funny right - spending almost RM2K just for the satisfactions heh. I am indeed a girl who appreciates moments and memories. If I am not, I do not even start a diary or even a blog. I do not show much of this side of me, but I am sooo into DSLR since those days with Tari Kirana (https://www.facebook.com/lovebytarikirana). It's like an obsession. But one thing I forgot to consider is, it's PORTABILITY. Ouch. That matter much, especially when I am traveling. Hari tu pergi Singapore (JB + USS Trip), rasakan (- -") Why I love this camera? The main reason is because it takes high quality pictures. Dan high quality tu bukan sebab pixel semata-mata. Tapi pungpangpuangpang all the DSLR's terms and functions I tak familiar sangat tapi tahulah sikit-sikit.

So for now, the arguments are ;

• I could get a high-end compact camera at it's selling price
• I can't have two at the same time. I am not allowed to have both. I wish I can have both but I am not a professional photographer - in fact, I am not a photographer, to start with
• Honestly, DSLR is big and bulky while compact cameras is .. well, compact
• I think I will end up not using this camera much because I want less weight when I am traveling (- -')

But again I need to mention again about the high quality image and the sentimental value it have. Hm.

What's next? Buat masa ni masih timbang-timbang lagi. Kalau jadi, I kena cari buyer dan deal, lepas tu cash ada baru boleh sambung cerita. Cari model camera apa dan macamana yang saya nak dan buat comparison, lepas tu hunt it down. And I have two months for that. Rasanya 3 bulan dari sekarang boleh tahu dah jadi atau tidak jual, dan if jadi apa model kamera I pilih. 3 bulan lepas ni tau. Hahaha.

Ahhh I is melt!

Melt already

Catch up soon!