Mesti bosan kan masuk blog ni terlalu perempuan sangat. Sana sini pink, tidak cukup dengan itu ada signboard I believe in pink pulak. Hambik kau. Mood malam ni rasa nak tukar warna. Warna yang tidak pernah diminati, baju pun tiada kaler hijau because green makes you fat!*feeling Kareena Kapoor dalam Khabi Khushi Khabi Gham*. Warna sebelum ni code #CD8C95. Macam biasalah ikut mood. Esok-esok mungkin warna lain. Minggu depan tukar perabot lagi. Tahun depan tukar domain pulak. 5 minit lepas tu mungkin blog dah tak wujud ehhh gurau kasar nampak.

No point pun post ni. Don't you know I am a queen of NO POINT? Ahahah! Entri blog awal-awal berblog ala-ala macam ni lah. Sudahlah singkat lepas tu entah apa kau membebel sana syok sendiri. Dah memang tulis blog style syok sendiri. Buat lawak sendiri ketawa. Pasang lagu di blog pastu sendiri play padahal boleh dengar mp3 lagu yang sama dah save dalam laptop, lol *not laughing*. (baca : lol)

As for my travelogue, I wanna take my ownnnn sweeeettt timeeee to finally start writing. Tapi tidaklah lama sangat. Sekejap lagi. Sekejappp lagi. Tapi entahlah macamana terma dan syarat untuk 'sekejap lagi' si Fina ni kan. Ahahah! Baik, I have to go. Bye.

Ceh. Takdalah. 18hb I rush early morning to Kota Kinabalu with adik (dia temankan) for meeting at Ocean Seafood Village (later on pindah ke Promenade) tentang trip naik gunung Kinabalu end of Novoember for 50 pax. The same day orang call nak tour 2D1N ke Kundasang, pick up us NOW katanya. Since we're free (not me, but we got empty slot for that day), so husband pick them up terus. Pergi Toyota bayarkan mother's CCM and shoot back to Ranau. Adik temankan semata-mata untuk drive area bandar. Start dari Kundasang ke Tamparuli dan Tamparuli ke Ranau I yang drive, dia tidur. Nak jadi burung hantu sangat, macam tu lah. Syukur jugalah ada yang nak tolong kan. Kalau sorang-sorang? Haha. Hari ni slow down sikit dan esok busy lagi balik. Dan seterusnya dan seterusnya.. 

Before meeting seminggu juga sakit kepala. Begitulah bila kita kena present something walaupun I don't have anything to present since kuasa bukan di tangan I. Susah nak cakap lol but alhamdulillah everything went well. Thank so much to my friend yang tidak pernah jumpa ; Yunie. Thanks! You helped me a lot!

Talk about meeting. I don't do meeting since long ago. I guess my last meeting was with Tari Kirana. And those meeting-sampai-muntah days (as Fiza put it) while we're in JPM. Dear JPM sister, paperwork and meeting and bilik JPM and office? Remember? During my 2009 - 2010 penuh dengan entri yang ada perkataan 'malam ni meeting', 'meeting jap g', ' malas g meeting'. XD But anyhow, I really am jakun at things I dah lama tak buat hampir-hampir tak tahu meting tu apa. So, LET ME! *exaggerate* Hahaha. Eee.. Bikin panas juga entri ni kan.

Makin hari dekat dengan masa nak berjalan ni terus rasa macam malas.. melankoli.. angan-angan.. khayal.. terawang-awang.. Semua gara-gara membayangkan yang indah-indah belaka sepanjang our 10 days trip to Indonesia and transit di KL 3 days. Booked almost everything tapi packing belum. Tapi nak packing macamanakah sekarang berada di rumah mentua. Atau perlukah aku pulang ke rumah esok dan angkut apa yang boleh di angkut.. Bosan-bosan di rumah boleh belek dan packing-packing secara slow motion.

Jom berehat bersama kitkat (iklan tidak berbayar). Penat tulis entry berjalan-jalan ni. Rehat sekejap. Mari bicara santai-santai.

Tadi saya baca-baca posts pada salah satu bulan pada tahun 2009 lama dahulu. Nak baca semua satu-satu tak larat la pula sebab blogging since 2006 hm.. Almost 1.5K posts. Old post from SUFILARA I import masuk dalam SOPHIESM. Looking back, banyak juga aku tulis pasal Si Ai En Ti A kan. Cakap macam I know everything about LOVE. Dan sebenarnya CINTA di alam perkahwinan adalah lebih dari itu. Lebih complicated. Entri merepek-repek aku baca rasa macam nak menangis. Menangis bukan rasa tersentuh, tapi nak menangis kerana merasa annoyed. Amboi kau dulu Fina.. (- -')

Tapi it's okey, saya memang macam tu. Itulah saya yang dulu dan tidak terniat dalam hati nak ubah walau sedikitpun. Sekarang pun masih macam tu, biasalah hati tisu setisu tisunya. Dahlah tisu, taman pulak tu. Taman bunga matahari. Taman bunga daisi. Kalerpul.

 Foooinee this aren't daisies but it give daisies' feeling with that kind of kelopak hehehe.

Most of my time nowadays I only spend at home being so domestic. Every morning I woke up early, bersiap, masak for sarapan, buka tingkap dan pintu rumah yang menghadap Gunung Kinabalu luas-luas (because I love cahaya dan natural scent since awal pagi), kemas rumah, every two days bergantung pada cuaca I basuh kain awal pagi dan jemur, sapu dan mop dan lap-lap dan spray pewangi di rumah/bedroom and then baru mandi. Lepas tu buka laptop dan sambung buat kerja. Husband keluar kerja 6.30AM - until malam. Kadang-kadang pulang tengahari and that's the only time I masak for lunch. If husband tak pulang saya tak masak lunch. Tapi dinner memang masaklah. So after dinner, I kemas our kitchenette dan jot down to do list dan sarapan untuk next day punya. Lepas tu sambung buat kerja (dekat laptop) dan biasa antara 11PM-2PM saya masuk tidur selagi saya masih tahan mengantuk. Kalau penat buat kerja tapi belum mengantuk, saya layan runningman haha tapi jaranglah. Biasa lepas buat kerja kepala mula berdenyut-denyut maka insaf dan buat keputusan untu masuk tidur. Habit cium tangan suami before masuk tidur. Dan macam tu lah setiap hari jika di rumah saja. Nampak macam simple tapi for your info kadang-kadang di penghujung hari, kena melawan sakit dan pening kepala.. Hmm.. T_T

Runningman I terlepas 3 episods walaupun dah download tapi belum tengok-tengok lagi since download hari tu. Maunya santai-santai nonton runningman gitu waktu hati lagi seneng deh. Kagak ada pusing-pusing kepalanya. Erk. Ahhh sudah. Praktis speaking indonesia tapi ayat macam pelik.

My travel business is still going, new plan ahead and buka pakej untuk mendaki gunung pula dan banyak lagi yang baru. Masih mencuba and while everyone komen about the risk I'm taking, I say, what the hell. I will try everything I want to try. If it doesn't work, I still have the experience and people learn from mistake. If I make good money out of it, muka tu juga yang mengendeng. I mengaku I bukan always positive but when you're being positive and you know the base and you know what you're doing and you're about to go, do you like people to kill everything? No, right. And if ada masalah sikit people say this won't work, just drop it.. When clearly it can be solved. I don't buy this kind of mentality. 

Lagi? Lagi?

Okey dalam family group sekarang sebut-sebut pasal chicken chop di Hutan Bandar Bistro di Johor Bahru yang RM5 saja tu. Adoi. Mau buat chicken chop pun sekarang tidak cukup bahan. Malam ni plan makan nasi menu simple tapi tidak tau lagi apa. Tengok apa yang adalah. Ada bahan-bahan stok tinggal sikit sudah ni. Beras, sayur, ayam, dan apa-apa lagi yang berkaitan Aiseh cakap macamlah tulis dalam blog barang-barang yang tiada tiba-tiba boleh tinggg! Jadi ada. Haha.. Esok masa untuk shopping moping. Lepas ni capai note dan list apa semua yang mau beli XD But I requested husband tadi belikan daging burger dan kobis (lain-lain bahan sudah ada) kerana selera malam ni adalah feeling-feeling western. Ini semua adalah gara-gara chicken chop! Salahkan ayam pulak. Tapi buat simple saja, nanti kita tengok outcome.

Sambil tengok AF malam ni dinner nasi lauk simple dan main dish is burger ayam (actually sandwich kot sebab guna roti bread haha) dan keropok. Emm.. Hancur diet :P

We are both so excited to jelajah Indonesia starting end of this month. Ya Allah, permudahkan perjalanan kami. That's why sekarang saya bertungkus lumus siapkan entry waktu saya dan Dana ke jalan-jalan di Langkawi dan Selatan Thailand hari tu. So far Day 3 dah siap (daily auto-publish) dan Day 4 bakal ku habiskan malam ini atau esok insya-Allah dan will only be published on 17th Sept. Sebab entri esok dan lusa dah siap. Semalam pulun buat 3 entri sekaligus. 

Okey nak start masak dah. Later ;)

Bling!

Helo my dear drugs, how are you doing? I wish to feed myself with drugs today.

Okey dah. Main drags drugs drigs pulak dah. I'm just joking. I call my blog as my drugs sometimes don't you knoww.. Because this is one of those things that make me happy, from deep within. :) Am not gonna talk much but today I might flood your dashboard with interesting pictures (at least for me) I saved from various sites, for every hour haha.. It's end of the month, time to clean up everything in my lappy. Here goes.. Quotes about travel.

I am sure ramai juga yang tengah cari ni so this might help. ;)

 

Innerself thoughts.

Diakui, being a housewife yang bekerja dari rumah kedengaran agak membosankan. Lagi nampak bosan kalau jarang dapat pegang kereta.. Jarang jalan-jalan.. Jarang jumpa orang.. Pendek kata ; No friends. Macamana orang boleh hidup macam ni? -----

Haha. Sayalah tu. Tak perlu guna sudut pandangan orang ketiga. Sebenarnya memang tengah cakap pasal diri sendiri. Kesiannya. Sila beri markah pada perempuan ni. Markah tahap kasihan.

I guess have less friends here not because I can't have friends. It's because I choose not to have anyone too close. Dalam hidup aku belajar, kita hanya akan terluka bila kita terlalu rapat dengan seseorang. I don't have much luck in friendship you know. I've had a friendship that betrayed with my loved one years years years ago. The pain is the sickest I have ever feel.. I've had a friendship that talked behind my back - sangat manis di depan di belakang menyalak-nyalak. I've had a friendship that turned into love but unfortunately it's only one sided because I never felt that way to him - dan persahabatan itu hancur lebur dan aku tidak mampu langsung pandang wajah dia lagi. Because seeing him that way confused me. I've had a friendship that almost turn to love but again, it fall apart. I think 2010 is my last huha with friends. Now the friends I wanna keep is the friends I still have now in my life. Other than that, it's all about awkwardness and cerita biasa-biasa. My hearts almost shuts down to a thing called new friendship mungkin hahaha.

Maybe I am wrong but I learn life the hardest way. My life is not as smooth as you so shut up tau..

My everyday life randomly consist of online customers, google, our room, household chores, husband, family, and myself. Dan punya sedikit-sedikit peluang untuk melihat dunia. Tidak banyak, sedikit demi sedikit itu cukup. I dreamt of having more than this. I dreamt of having a life better than this. But at the end of that every thought, I believe what I have now is enough. Untuk apa yang saya ada sekarang ni pun I masih struggle untuk do well, macamana bila dah ada lebih banyak? Rezeki Allah akan datang bila sampai masanya.

Entri ni lebih kepada pujuk hati sendiri sebenarnya. To kill the time. To kill the emptiness. To make full use of my monthly paid broadband. To at least adalah juga cerita dalam blog ni. It's a good thing right sebab sekarang ni dah kira rajin update. Hee. Maybe tak dapatlah macam dulu hari-hari update but at least dalam seminggu, insya-Allah I will try. Baik enough blabbering, jom tidur. Byee..

Published.

Dear C.

Let's just make this clear. Can we?

As this might be our last night together, I wish you all the best and may your new love treat you well more than I ever do. I remember how lonely you look like; sitting there watching me from afar but at the same time I see a heart desired a different life - a lively one. Aren't you? I watched you too, when you're not looking. And only turned away as my tears starts flowing because that's the moment I realize I do not own your heart *bitter smile* Thing is, I am a girl who is not competent enough to be with you. Having you is never a mistake - it's not you. But it's me. A girl nobody wants, and at the same time, wants nobody. You've done your best - as always (I guess it's in your blood all your family are the best). Cheer up, you might have the chance to go abroad again. Around the world.. Or at least farther than where we've been.

NOW.

You'll got to see the world more than when you're with me now. You'll got to witness all the amazing scenes more often than when you're with me, soon enough. I will never forget our memories in Singapore. Although we've got our next beach destination is Krabi in Thailand and Bali in Indonesia - I guess we won't make it that far. I wish I could spend more years with you just as what I thought we'll be the day we set our eyes and heart at each other for the first time. But I feel that we're too ---- I can't ---- We just can't ----

---------------- be together.

Don't hate me for this. Remember you told me to always be happy no matter what happened in my life?  Remember I told you I'd rather let you go knowing your happiness will never be me? Of course we literally do not talk to each other in fact we speak different language, but deep down, we always do. Can you still understand me today?

Because you have to :'(

*****************

Really nana? *expressionless*
Aren't you too carried away right now? ; monolog diri sendiri.

Kahkah. It's just me being dramaticlahsangat. Macam lama tidak tulis begini-begini dalam blog so sekali sekala apa salahnya. Sorry for wasting 3 minutes of your life reading these. But it never a waste for me as I am love-letter expert (told you i write since i was a kid) and this is ONE OF the little thing I enjoy most apart from sleeping when it's raining outside is to WRITE CRAPPY JIWANG STORIES that come true from heart. Sayalah kanak-kanak yang jiwang itu T_____T

Seriously. I don't know if I am serious. I am just saying.

Fikir balik.

Betul-betul nak jual dan ganti baru??

I took a lot of time searching over the internet that fits around my budget because I know very little about DSLR market. Searching and comparing and I put a lot of thought about buying it. It's pricey. I used the whole of my 1 month salary plus few of my saving, and it's DSLR crazy! Somehow it gets really sentimental because I worked hard for this.

To be honest, I do not know how to use DSLR manually and always opt to Auto mode. To own a DSLR is a form of satisfaction. Because I got to take good pictures. It's funny right - spending almost RM2K just for the satisfactions heh. I am indeed a girl who appreciates moments and memories. If I am not, I do not even start a diary or even a blog. I do not show much of this side of me, but I am sooo into DSLR since those days with Tari Kirana (https://www.facebook.com/lovebytarikirana). It's like an obsession. But one thing I forgot to consider is, it's PORTABILITY. Ouch. That matter much, especially when I am traveling. Hari tu pergi Singapore (JB + USS Trip), rasakan (- -") Why I love this camera? The main reason is because it takes high quality pictures. Dan high quality tu bukan sebab pixel semata-mata. Tapi pungpangpuangpang all the DSLR's terms and functions I tak familiar sangat tapi tahulah sikit-sikit.

So for now, the arguments are ;

• I could get a high-end compact camera at it's selling price
• I can't have two at the same time. I am not allowed to have both. I wish I can have both but I am not a professional photographer - in fact, I am not a photographer, to start with
• Honestly, DSLR is big and bulky while compact cameras is .. well, compact
• I think I will end up not using this camera much because I want less weight when I am traveling (- -')

But again I need to mention again about the high quality image and the sentimental value it have. Hm.

What's next? Buat masa ni masih timbang-timbang lagi. Kalau jadi, I kena cari buyer dan deal, lepas tu cash ada baru boleh sambung cerita. Cari model camera apa dan macamana yang saya nak dan buat comparison, lepas tu hunt it down. And I have two months for that. Rasanya 3 bulan dari sekarang boleh tahu dah jadi atau tidak jual, dan if jadi apa model kamera I pilih. 3 bulan lepas ni tau. Hahaha.

Ahhh I is melt!

Melt already

Catch up soon!

Ohh. Alhamdulillah finally I am able to log into my blogger account. My portawifi do not let me back on these few days. Start malam semalam laju pula. Alhamdulillah. Boleh sambung kerja yang tergendala. You know I susah dan tidak selesa buat kerja through my Note.

Hari ni nak cerita pasal JATUH. Jatuh apa? Jatuhlah. Jatuh terduduk, tertiarap, terlentang. Here's a joke (tips) about falling down going over the net. It have been years since I've read this, mungkin korang pun dah pernah baca. Saya tau ni memang lawak, but yet, except for point #5, adakah yang lain tu applicable? I don't think so. Ni semata-mata untuk buat lawak, no? :

Semalam keluar teman husband ambil angin dekat makan dekat luar. Lepak kedai mamak sekejap lepas tu balik. Turun tangga depan restoran, jatuh tangga. JATUH. Yaaaaa. ME JATUH MALAM TADI DEPAN RAMAI ORANG. Lucky me it's just another 1-2 anak tangga more before reaching the ground. Samada terlebih langkah atau sebab tangga tu berlubang. Ouch. It does hurt. Lutut paling sakit sebab jatuh atas tar batu besar-besar. Nah. Have a taste of it. T_T

I used to fall a lot and embarrassed myself. Bukan masalah jatuh saja, tapi banyak benda lain lagi macam zip terbuka la seluar koyak la bulu hidung terkeluar la eheh sungguh memalukan. Tapi hari ni kita bincang tentang JATUH ngehee. If there's one thing I've learnt, it's even more embarrassing (plus, funny) if you pretend it doesn't hurt at all and quickly getting up and run away. Maybe it's just me who doesn't know how to pretend odd things like this but I think there's nothing wrong to feel the hurt. I've seen so many people fall while in a crowd. Most of them jatuh terus bangun. The best is, sit down a second while brushing away all the dusts, try to move your joints to ease circulation.. just in case terseliuh or apa-apa. Tak perlu exaggerate things. Just be who you are. If its possible, wait someone to help you get up. If not, get up (if you can) with all the pride you have and walk away without looking back. People gonna laugh, some people won't. Let the people who laugh know that it's not a joke. Falling down does hurt. People won't laugh if they realize that.

Ohyeah. When I was younger. Waktu form 3. That was more than 10 years ago. Tapi ini jatu hkerusi depan classmates. Entahlah my classmates masih ingat lagi atau tidak. I doubt I remember those too now but since I wrote most of things happened in my diaries, so I clearly remember them harhar. Somebody snatched my diary from my desk acah acah nak baca curi-curi. And I was actively nak dapat balik my diary lepas tu bila nak duduk, gedubukkkk! Maybe somebody tarik kerusi or I just simple misplace my butt wakaka. Gedubukk jatuh, paused a bit dan lepas tu keluar kelas. Dan pergi jauh-jauh hujung blok dekat tangki sekolah dan nangis slow-slow. Malu dan sakit hati. Untuk 2 masa subject Bahasa Melayu lepas tu, saya tak masuk kelas. Lepas tu masuk balik tapi part ni I dah tak ingat sebab tak tulis dalam diari sebab I focused on new friends I met on that day.

Rasanya tak banyak beza dulu dan sekarang. I still cry as freely as I wish. Haha! My legs still aches. Alhamdulillah tak terseliuh tapi ankle and tapak kaki ada sakit sikit, dan luka di lutut dan kaki. Balik rumah semalam baru cek kecederaan dan lap kaki sendiri. Kesian kaki ketot niiiiii..

Sebenarnya saya dah tulis one whole entry (scheduled) tentang gambar atas ni tapi ia hilang begitu sahaja. I malas nak taip balik. Just tengok sajalah gambar ni. Sedap pavlova. Nama pun menarik.

Pray for me tomorrow. Hope semua berjalan lancar. I need to get up, and do everything by myself now. Hopefully I'll come out STRONGER more than I think I am. Amin.

Banyak sangat benda yang berlaku, bermula, dan segala ber akhir-akhir ni, jika saya rajin menulis untuk setiap satunya pasti banyak kemajuan dah blog ni. Bukannya buka balik-balik nampak page yang sama. Balik-balik nampak post yang sama. Apakan daya, atas kemalasan diri sendiri jua. Kata janji manismu bak kata Aishah.

Sejak hujung Februari tahun ini, saya dengan rasminya setelah diperkenan suami kini telah memegang status suri rumah (walaupun dalam keadaan separuh rela tapi ini yang terbaik hikss). Tiada yang berbeza sangat pun, cuma of course lebih banyak masa mengurus diri heh dan mengurus makan minum (tapi selalu makan luar) dan entah rasanya sebagai isteri saya belum dapat melaksanakan tanggungjawap dengan sempurna. Masih banyak kekurangan di sana sini maka pada suami saya mohon masa..

Setelah berpakat dengan partners in crime, juga kini sedang berusaha capai target untuk kuruskan badan. Masing-masing dah set target dan cara masing-masing lain tapi target sama ; kurus. Haih la perot. Apsal lah tulisan malam ni macam tengah tulis berita. Taulah dah 2 pagi. Hmph.

Sebut pasal berita.

#MH370.

*sigh*

Suami pulang dari kerja lewat semalam, balik saja terus update me pasal tu. Sambut depan pintu sambil terpinga-pinga. Malam tu serius tak dapat tidur. Berjam-jam tidak dapat lelap. Bukan kerana video ngerilahsangat yang suami prank me. Mula-mula suruh tengok katanya orang dalam video tu buat macam betul-betul. Tapi sebenarnya memang betul. Err okey memang sangat ngeri sebab video orang potong kepala orang hidup-hidup. Ya Allah bertuah. Huhu. Buat I takut supaya malam tu I tidur peluk dia la tuh :P Haha. But seriously lepas tengok adalah rasa mental breakdown sikit. But.. Thinking about the plane, I was crying inside my heart that night.. Hilang semua ingatan tentang video prank whatsoever. How the family doing tonight. Are they scared? Can they accept? How was the passengers' and crews' when the plane first crashed (or what ever things happen that it end up in the ocean). What, why, how. Is all in my my mind. Saya teringat banyak tahun yang lepas. The feeling of being lost.

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini

Bukan kerana kau membenci

Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri

Tiada lagi bersama

Sering kala aku terlihatkanmu

Impian nan indah

Bersulam bahagia

Ku harungi

Hari demi hari

Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali

Tapi hati masih tak terima

Ditinggalkan sengsara

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu

Perasaan hati masih rindu

Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku

Tercari-cari bayangan mu

Tak sanggup aku kehilangan

I used to hear this song all over again, silently crying - air mata jatuh laju bak hujan di padang pasir (eh camana tu). Curled myself on the bed til I fall asleep. Even during taking my shower, dan paling simple waktu makan. The feeling of something is not there, and everything feels wrong. As for MH370, I can't imagine the loss felt by the family members and friends. I can't imagine the things beyond my knowing. I won't try to understand, sebab walaupun saya juga pernah mengalami kehilangan, but the degrees might vary. Apa pulak main degree-degree ni. But it's true. It's different. Nobody turned down and being walked away, like what I experienced many years ago. Because nobody ever loved me that much *emo*. Err. Sorry. I just couldn't get over some little things in my life. Harhar *embarrassed*

Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return. I believe there must be something Allah want us to learn.

Til we meet again. 

Btw nah janji manis lagi. Lepas ni try update selalu. NOT! 💋
 

Sejujurnya sekarang ni rasa dah malas nak blogging memandangkan life terlalu busy bangun awal pagi balik kerja lewat petang I betul-betul tak ada masa nak blogging (ayat tunggang langgang sebab nak emphasize punya pasal). Balik rumah dan settle down, terus merangkak atas katil nak tidur tak pun tengok Runningman tak pun buat kerja. Nak ikut betul, ingat juga ada blog tapi tak ingat by time to time I kena update blog. Eheh macamana boleh lupa? Tapi itulah yang berlaku. Ingat nak biar mati terus. Balik-balik ubah template blog supaya sendiri tak mudah bosan. Tapi tetap tak berkesan. Sekejap saja rajinnya. Lepas tu dah malas balik. Ataupun blank. Ini bukan masalah bosan nampaknya. Tapi ini masalah malas. Masalah nak buang blog tapi tak boleh buang.

Well I like the idea of removing this blog. Padamkan cerita-cerita lama. Malas dah nak mengadap. REMOVE BLOG yeay yeay I like it.

Oh stress. Manalah sampai hati nak buang.

*blank*

Maybe when I have something awesome to talk about here then I will come back. Or I don't know. I don't even have a point starting this post anyway. My mind is wondering elsewhere during my leisure time like this, like I always do. So much for my new life resolution of being happy. Or any other resolution. I never keep my words. Never trust me. No. Never. Still the same me. Still the same blog. A sad blog. Hence I still keep the audio I put here. 'Andainya Hatiku Bersuara' by Chomel. OR. Maybe this little pieces hope of mine will actually take some more time. Not just an overnight change. Why I always need to hurry things and being so strict over things? Most things in my life I don't understand entirely or is it because I simply do not want to understand?

I'm making a few changes again. One of them, I won't do any blogwalk anymore - if you want to make friend with me just do whatsapp (who cares). Why? I'm quite active n whatsapp now with my customers and friends and family are there. I chat quite a lot when I'm not busy, but jaranglah update status update instagram whatsoever apa lagi blog. Didn't even remember I have one (blog). Seriously I buka blog sebab apa? Sebab nak cek sidebar nak convert matawang asing! Wakakak. Ruang komen I buang buat sementara or maybe forever. My current hallucination want it to be that way. I want. So of course la I can. This blog is always on transition what. Buahaha!

My blog as an open diary, where everyone got to read but never can comment. The ultimate autocracy. Everyone must shut up. The only one who do the talking is me. And actually I am a lil bit embarrassed that you have to comment my entry when you might don't want to - just because I went to your blog and comment then you think you have to. No.. @_@ So now just sit back my dear. Just hear (well, read) what I'm going to say. This blog come out from a long journey and there's still more years to come - as long as I live, I will blog. That's the only promise I can assure you. It would be unfair if I stop now. I still do not have a happy ending I can't back off! Haha. XD

Two more weeks, my life would be completely changed. Jadi surirumah sepenuh masa. Awhh.. So do I have to spend my whole day only at home now? Aku ni bukan rajin keluar pun. Suka duduk dalam rumah. Tapi tak keluar pun boleh panas punggung jugak. Menggelupur nak ke sana sini. So how? Nak fikir pun tak dapat sebab belum lagi pernah melalui jadi seorang housewife. Entah-entah belum sehari dah menggelupur. Haha jentik sikit. Suka fikir negatif sangat. Insya-Allah. Life would be so much organized than before. Yang ni I pasti. Tekanan kurang untuk bahagiakan masa. Err.. Bahagiakan masa apakah. Patut bahagikan masa. Tidak apa ini perkataan baru (cover typo). Bahagiakan masa ikut kamus Fina Sophie adalah dapat membahagikan masa dengan jayanya lalu akhirnya menjadi bahagia. Bukan sekadar membahagi masa lepas tu tetap tunggang langgang hujungnya. Gitu.. Sebab aku selalu begitu. Tunggang langgang.

Menjadi surirumah nanti saya mahu jadi isteri yang paling membahagiakan. Mau belajar masak masakan kegemaran husband. Satu cabaran sebab husband suka makanan simple-simple. Suka nasi sejuk. Simple kan. Macamana nak masak sesuatu yang simple tapi extra sedap. Hah? Kena belajar pelan-pelan. Nak buat macam-macam and almost anything since I didn't have the chance all these while since I am working. Siap multitasking. Dan actually, I am tamak. I want to do all things alone. Semua nak buat sendiri. Ni husband sendiri cakap. Lepas tu bila tak dapat cover semua, bila sakit, sendiri yang susah. Bila fikir, ni pun antara punca stress I ni. Too much stress. Using the brain too much nearly got out of mind.. T___T

There's always a bright side on everything anyway. Okey got to go. Macam selalu. Tengoklah bila kita jumpa lagi. Might be next month. Might be next year. Might be on 2050. Might be tonight since I bought a portawifi XD 

Bye!